Responsibility and How To Survive It

It's time to explore the first of  several principles for living.

Since punk broke in my life a guiding ethical challenge has been 'what does personal responsibility look like?'

The answer is not as straightforward as it might appear. For instance, a recurring misstep in my life has been to assume the responsibilities of others as my own. It has been easy to convince myself that doing this is in some way a grand ethical gesture, but it is actually horribly egotistical.

The choices of others belong to them and my choices belong to me. To say otherwise risks undermining the right of somebody else to take a particular course of action. A choice for which they take their own responsibility.

To steer this principle into feminist waters, it is absolutely the coward's way out for a man to say 'she led me on, it was her fault' or 'she dressed like xyz, she was asking for it.' Utter, craven cowardice. Blaming is the brightest red flag of all, a signal that we are dealing here with a boy, not a man. Compromise with this special kind of nonsense is not possible. Leave it in the dust where it belongs.

But give blaming a veneer of legitimacy and it's amazing how resilient it can be. Variously, religion, law, learning and custom have all played their part in reinforcing it's power. And as ever in regard to ethics, there are other viewpoints that legitimately challenge cosy liberal homilies. But I am secure in my belief that, as a man, I am responsible for my mind, my body and my tongue. To say otherwise is to undermine my status as a man. And to the eagle-eyed reader, it is clear that in exercising my feminism I am also reafirming my masculinity - or at least a version of masculinity that I am comfortable with.

This particular post isn't the place to discuss ethical decisions in and of themselves. The argument here is actually bigger that 'we must do xyz' in a given situation - it is what we do next with the choices we make. And ever since Adam blamed Eve (OK, fair enough, Eve then blamed the serpent which didn't have a leg to stand on) men have pointed the finger away from themselves. And that is not a pretty sight.

Thanks for reading. I will return tomorrow with more spontaneous musings on life and the quest to live it with a little dignity.