In the Service of Regret

Sex and relationships. This is where things get tricky. Anyone can say the words, assume any attitude. But how do they treat other people? And, just as importantly, how do they treat the people they care about?

All of us fuck up in this area sometime, to a greater or lesser degree. And there are different ways of fucking it up - for instance, a man can fuck it up in ways distinct from the ways a woman might.

This is a big subject, and one I'm wary of wandering into without care. But it is at the heart of the responsibilities one person has to another, so it cannot be avoided if we want to explore what it might mean to be a feminist man. However, to coin a cliche, we all know the road to hell is paved with good intentions. And on that road we are unavoidably driven by our own personal psychology and experiences.

As a young man I had a crystal clear idea of who and what I wanted to be as a person. And, surprise, some days I would actually get there through an easy fusion of youthful discovery and an innate mystical sense. My personal sense of identity and meaning reached places that my emotional maturity could not hope to match.

And the one thing that helps build and sustain intimate relationships? Why, emotional maturity of course. A few are blessed with emotional maturity from a young age, but most of us only achieve it through hard-earned experience. Even if then.

So for this particular 18 year old, embarking on his first relationship - rhetoric, meet reality. Reality - shake rhetoric by the neck why don't you.

I'll pause there for today, with further detail and exploration of these foundational personal experiences yet to come. The next post will be challenging to write, as I decide what to share, what to withold, and what will inform key themes in the weeks and (hopefully) months to come. Thanks for reading.