Freedom in a Minor Key

For those keeping score, the correct photo ID was BBC Television Centre. And you thought it was David Bowie ;)

Thank you for playing along.

And the question of the day is...ta da! Why do women give away their power  -otherwise known as - why do they so often act against their own best interests?

The narrow gate for a man in this - if I were to say to any woman 'for God's sake pull your socks up' I am at best, a jerk, and at worst, I'm accepting the voice of the abuser that says 'you let me do it, it's your fault.'

But seeking to understand this process and what might lead to it is quite legitimate. So, while there is a complex cultural overlay here, I'm interested to ask, what are the psychological processes at work?

Before I give one possible answer, it's worth sharing a further pitfall for any man reflecting on this. And that is, the risk of putting women on a pedestal leading to harsh judgement should they not live up to an abstract gender-based standard. As a young man I fell into this trap, somehow feeling disappointed when I saw what I considered a feminine accommodation of disrespectful or bullying behaviour by men.

Through life's lessons I no longer feel this way. As in many things, I now see this as a human problem, albeit one with a strong gender dimension. This human problem is what Erich Fromm calls the fear of freedom. That is, the willingness of an individual to give their power away to an external authority.

Why ever would they do that? The answer is multi-faceted but in essence, freedom is painful. It entails responsibility, and humanity finds responsibility difficult. Patriarchal systems play on this, creating a dependency that manifests itself in different ways across gender lines. In men, it tends to promote conformity and acceptance of hierarchy as an absolute value. In women, it encourages acceptance of masculine authority, both in the domestic sphere and social level.

Throughost most of human history, and in most places, women have lived within narrow boundaries imposed by this patriarchal way of living and thinking. Their experiences have been devalued, and their efforts to carve out spaces of personal power and authority have been subversive acts.

Since the 18th Century Enlightenment, women have been extending the range of experiences and self-expression available to them. But patriarchy has deep roots and big hands, with much buried in profound human needs that need to be acknowledged before we can resume moving forward.

Whether or not the recent swing towards all things authoritarian is indicative of anything more than a nostalgic yearning for the certainties of patriarchy will be clearer in retrospect. But women will certainly come off worse should the trend continue. And that should make us all pause. Because to learn the lessons of freedom and then wilfully ignore them is negligence of the first order.

Tune in tomorrow for some pornography.