Farewell...For Now

This blog is now waiting at the crossroads and the previous post is an upbeat moment to pause while I decide which direction to take.

I hope you have enjoyed what you have read so far - I will be back.

Signed,

Your Friendly Neighbourhood Feminist                                   Man

Show Me That River

The world has plenty of 'reasonable' men. It has plenty of 'good' men. It has plenty of 'considerate' men. And the world has quite a number of 'self-conscious feminist' men.

But in contrast I'm arguing that we need more 'conscious feminist' men. I used to be absurdly self conscious about my feminism, as if feminism was a yardstick to be measured against, a definition of right and wrong. That attitude was superficial, and tokenistic, much like going to church without truly understanding or living out the messages.

Conscious feminism is reflective, embedded in accumulated experience and responsive to different circumstances. It is not an ideology, but a set of principles and values. I hope that some of those values and principles are becoming clear through this blog.

Conscious feminism takes time, and is a constant learning process. It is intimately connected to the absolute value of being good to each other - regardless of gender - and yet is something more. 'Consciousness' intimates that it is an ever-present awareness of the feminine in myself and the responsibilities that awareness places on me. And joys too. To be a conscious feminist is, for me, personally life-enriching. It is a constant, creative revelation of my own sense of self.

If this sounds rather smug, I apologise - some of this is rhetorical flourish. But it is rhetoric based on authentic experience.

It's clear that this blog is taking on a life of it's own. I have no idea where it will go next, so join me for more unplanned accidents in a couple of days.

Dismantling Shadows

It may be clear from previous posts that I refuse to break out into adversarial gender-baiting or indeed, stereotyping of any kind.

My main purpose in these posts is in some small way to alter the terms of reference, a disruptive shift - as Oren Harari said, 'the light bulb was not invented from the continuous improvement of the candle.' 

Yes, we need justice, and we need material change. But a qualitative difference in human relationships is what I'm truly hoping for as a feminist man. And one of the keys in achieving this is for men to become more comfortable with their own feminine. This doesn't mean a diminution of their masculine sense of self, but rather, an acknowledgement that the feminine is valuable as a source of life and meaning within themselves.

If men can learn to do this, not only will they become more secure in their own identity, they will also be less likely to project a negative framing  of their own feminine onto women. That in turn will enable men to see women through a less psychologicaly warped filter, and do much to dismantle patriarchy from within.

I hesitate to say more on this because I'm in no way a trained psychologist. And a random brief blog post is way too limited to deal with complex questions that have an individual as well as a gender basis.

That's it for today. I would love to be able to say...'next, I'll reveal just how we get to this promised land!'

That would be lovely but also unlikely. Let's see what tomorrow brings.

Pornography

Pornography and feminism are uneasy bedfellows, but bedfellows they are. Yes, porn often replicates and exaggerates power relationships between men and women. Yes, porn often exploits female participants who perhaps have troubled personal histories. Yes, porn encourages objectification of women.

And yet. And yet...

Porn across all it's varied forms - at least in theory - acknowledges and enables the expression of female sexuality. It may not always see female sexual desire as a priority to be met, but neither does it cover women up and deny their existence as sexual beings.

An individual experience of pornography is just that, individual. Many women enjoy porn in whatever form it takes, and in some cases have more 'extreme' tastes than many men. Do we judge those tastes as being somehow illegitimate because they belong to a woman? If so we are setting a standard that will eventually deny women their sexuality. Beware the first principles of any puritanical mindset, even if it is dressed in liberal clothes.

Yes, pornography is problematic. Yes pornography is edgy for feminists. But pornography is also part of human expression, part of what makes us what we are.

Freedom in a Minor Key

For those keeping score, the correct photo ID was BBC Television Centre. And you thought it was David Bowie ;)

Thank you for playing along.

And the question of the day is...ta da! Why do women give away their power  -otherwise known as - why do they so often act against their own best interests?

The narrow gate for a man in this - if I were to say to any woman 'for God's sake pull your socks up' I am at best, a jerk, and at worst, I'm accepting the voice of the abuser that says 'you let me do it, it's your fault.'

But seeking to understand this process and what might lead to it is quite legitimate. So, while there is a complex cultural overlay here, I'm interested to ask, what are the psychological processes at work?

Before I give one possible answer, it's worth sharing a further pitfall for any man reflecting on this. And that is, the risk of putting women on a pedestal leading to harsh judgement should they not live up to an abstract gender-based standard. As a young man I fell into this trap, somehow feeling disappointed when I saw what I considered a feminine accommodation of disrespectful or bullying behaviour by men.

Through life's lessons I no longer feel this way. As in many things, I now see this as a human problem, albeit one with a strong gender dimension. This human problem is what Erich Fromm calls the fear of freedom. That is, the willingness of an individual to give their power away to an external authority.

Why ever would they do that? The answer is multi-faceted but in essence, freedom is painful. It entails responsibility, and humanity finds responsibility difficult. Patriarchal systems play on this, creating a dependency that manifests itself in different ways across gender lines. In men, it tends to promote conformity and acceptance of hierarchy as an absolute value. In women, it encourages acceptance of masculine authority, both in the domestic sphere and social level.

Throughost most of human history, and in most places, women have lived within narrow boundaries imposed by this patriarchal way of living and thinking. Their experiences have been devalued, and their efforts to carve out spaces of personal power and authority have been subversive acts.

Since the 18th Century Enlightenment, women have been extending the range of experiences and self-expression available to them. But patriarchy has deep roots and big hands, with much buried in profound human needs that need to be acknowledged before we can resume moving forward.

Whether or not the recent swing towards all things authoritarian is indicative of anything more than a nostalgic yearning for the certainties of patriarchy will be clearer in retrospect. But women will certainly come off worse should the trend continue. And that should make us all pause. Because to learn the lessons of freedom and then wilfully ignore them is negligence of the first order.

Tune in tomorrow for some pornography.

Taking a Short Break - Back Monday 12th December. Can you ID this photo?

Due to other commitments I'm taking a short break from this blog.

Back Monday 12th December with something absolutely riveting you can be sure :)

In the meantime bonus hugs if you can ID the post picture above.

Giving With Empty Hands

I guess the question 'why is feminism important' is secondary to the question 'what is feminism?'

So, here, in a change to the advertised programme, is my answer.

I am only going to offer a very personal definition because there are as many 'feminisms' as there are feminists. And in addition there are many more people who attempt to label feminism with attributes it may or may not possess in reality.

So, my personal feminism comes down to two things.

First, a worldview that sees patriarchal societies and systems with their hierarchies, assumptions and cultures as inimical to the wellbeing of women in particular, and the best interests of humanity in general.

And second, my feminism manifests as a quest to empathise and understand women, especially their circumstances and decisions.

On the latter point - it does not mean that women are free from criticism, or that they can do no wrong. This would be to misunderstand how it works. However, I do believe a little rebalancing is needed in this world - many women already seek to understand - and further - accommodate the priorities of men into their own lives. My take on feminism asks the same in reverse of men. No more, no less.

It wouldn't make for a perfect world, but it is just. And just maybe, in doing this, men would discover how to live life in a deeper, more meaningful way.